Part 1.. Self-worth -
What is self-worth?
There are 5 parts to How To Be Your Best You.
This list of 5 parts is the list to Happiness.
Also so you can navigate between the pages.
get your free pdf eBook containing snippets of each part in this article, so you can read a little of each then go to the one you prefer.
What Is Self-worth?
It is the core of your true self!!
However, there are many ways for you to assess your Self-worth and the opinions you have about yourself.
An extreme example of this is:
A. You believe that you are a good person who deserves good things.
B. Maybe you believe that you are a bad person who deserves bad things.
The value you assign to yourself and your abilities, comes from a self assessment.
It’s the emotional way you see yourself, with your eyes closed or open, it’s what feels right or wrong to you, it’s the foundation of being you and it reflects in how you talk with your inner-self, your inner-talk as to say.
When we pay attention to the words we use and the way we use them, we improve the odds of strengthening and deepening our most meaningful relationships, especially the one we have with ourselves first and foremost.
Recognizing your self-worth with some self-compassionate communication, is a necessary and important step to respecting the worth of yourself and of others.
The more self-worth you have for yourself the more you will see it in and have for others.
Self-Worth is often confused with Self-Esteem, which relies on external factors such as successes and Achievements to define worth and can often be inconsistent leading to someone struggling with feeling worthy or not worthy.
People are naturally creatures of habit, these can be good habits that we have worked hard to instill, or bad habits that suck away our determination and leave us short of our goals.
Why is self-worth important?
“Your most important sale in life is to sell yourself to you”.
Your intuitive sense of self-worth helps you to trust your own conclusions and make better decisions and choices for yourself.
Which are important qualities that can help you advance in your personal growth and in your development as a human being.
From somebody who has low self-worth, low self-confidence, and therefore struggles to acquire the things they need, want and require in their lives.
Making life quite difficult.
But with some self-compassionate communication, some self-consideration and understanding of yourselves worth.
To somebody who has a high self-worth, a lot of self-confidence.
Therefore finds it a lot easier to acquire the values that get them the things that give them easier or better lives.
Which you will take forward:
Into your personal life, your hobbies, your likes and loves, your dislikes and hates, and also inevitably into your career and work life.
Self-worth can lend you the ability to have greater autonomy at work, support other work colleagues and team members, and the confidence to even run meetings.
The risks of tying your
self-worth to your job.
Similar to the dangers of anchoring your self-worth to someone else, there are big risks in tying your self-worth to your job, like a significant other, jobs can come and go—sometimes without warning.
You can be let go, laid off, transitioned, dehired, dismissed, downsized, redirected, released, selectively separated, terminated, replaced, asked to resign, or just plain fired.
You could also be transferred, promoted, demoted, or given new duties and responsibilities that no longer mesh with the sense of self-worth your previous duties and responsibilities gave you.
You could also quit, take a new job, take some time off, or retire, all things that can be wonderful life transitions, but that can be unnecessarily difficult if you base too much of your self-worth on your job.
Your job is one of the things that shouldn’t define you or your self-worth.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of what you do, finding joy or fulfillment in your work, or letting it shape who you are; the danger is in letting it define your entire sense of self-worth.
We are all so much more than a job, believing that we are nothing more than our job is detrimental to our self-worth.
A self-worthy person does not become overly dependent on success, flattery, or adoration.
You are confident and take pride in your achievements, you show grace, humility and gratitude towards others, you don’t do things to get love; you do things for the love of them.
Although self-worth is often used as a synonym for “self-esteem,” Dr. Lisa Firestone believes that self-worth should be less about measuring yourself based on external actions and more about valuing your inherent worth as a person.
In other words, self-worth is about who you are at the “core of your self-being”, not about what you do.
As the things you do are your achievements through your self-values.
Although real accomplishments are important to acknowledge as you build your sense of self, your self-worth should also take into account the unique qualities that make you “you at your core”.
According to Dr. Firestone. “We shouldn’t be rating ourselves, we should just be ourselves”.
And as a mindfulness expert, Dr. Donna Rockwell points out, we are all unique and that, in and of itself, gives each of us inherent value.
Self-worth tends to
fluctuate over time:
It’s normal to go through times when you feel down about yourself and times when you feel good about yourself depending on your circumstances.
Generally, however, self-worth stays in a range that reflects how you feel about yourself overall, and increases slightly with age.
What causes lack of self worth?
Some of the many causes of low self-worth may include:
Unhappy childhood where parents (or other significant people such as teachers) were extremely critical or abusive.
Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence, ongoing stressful life events such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble.
Ongoing medical problems such as chronic pain, serious illness or physical disability.
Mental illness such as an anxiety disorder or depression.
Things to remember:
A person’s sense of self
is often divided.
Most people have a side of themselves that is: “on their own team” or “in their own corner”, it encourages and supports you, it helps you fight for what you want and it believes in you and what you can achieve.
However, there is also an opposite force inside each person that acts as their own worst enemy, it insults, critiques, questions, and undermines.
It keeps you from pursuing your goals and punishes you for your mistakes, this side of a person has been referred to as the “anti-self”.
Learning to deal effectively with this internal enemy and the negative self-talk it generates is key to building a healthy sense of self.
And to your understanding of “how to be your best you”, becoming who you want to be and living the life you desire.
“It’s not what happens to us that’s the issue here, it’s how we feel and act towards it”.
How do you see yourself?
When you picture yourself in your mind, are you happy with what you see and find more positives than negatives, or do you criticise yourself and find more negatives than positives?
Low self-worth can have many effects on our lives, but we can do something about it.
Here’s a list of 10 things you can tell yourself to help boost your self-worth and support techniques that can change your thinking for good.
1. I am alive and so I have worth.
The British Institute of Human Rights states that “human rights can never be taken away from you, they are part of what it means to be human”.
This statement alone suggests that whoever you are and whatever your circumstances you have rights and you have worth.
Low self-worth can often lead to us feeling unimportant or worthless, so remember that you have rights;
The right to express yourself and have an opinion and that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.
2. Saying NO: It isn’t a negative word.
The pressure to always help others, be liked by others and say yes to everything can be overwhelming.
But you can’t do everything and yet as hard as you try, those two little letters struggle to come out – NO:
Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person, and it doesn’t have to be a negative word, saying no can mean asserting your own rights, looking after yourself and letting you concentrate on the things you do well.
Two letters that can free your mind, your time and give you back some power.
So, when you need to, say – NO:
3. I’m human: and except I’m not perfect.
When people make mistakes, the common reaction can be “well I’m only human”.
But low self-worth can make us expect perfection and every little mistake we make can feel like a huge problem.
It’s important to realise that we are only capable of so much, the perfect person simply doesn’t exist.
Celebrate the good you do rather than focus on the little mistakes.
Remember that as a human you’re not expected to be perfect, you’re expected to be real and real people make mistakes as we learn.
4. I won’t let one small thing affect the rest of my day.
Has this ever happened to you: you wake up, you get yourself ready for the day and go to have breakfast, only to realise you forgot to buy milk.
No musili today, no bread either to make some toast.
You’re then hungry all morning when working, you feel in a bad mood and think to yourself, “well, today is just a bad day”.
We can often let one small event affect the rest of our day or make us feel like completely writing it off, but what if we didn’t?
What if we saw it as only one small incident, in a day full of possibilities and decided to make the rest of our day a better one?
Give it a go!
5. Would I say this to my best friend?
We are usually much better at giving advice to others than listening to our own advice and we can question the self-doubt and negative thoughts caused by low self-worth in this way.
Look at the things you tell yourself on a daily basis and ask, “would I say this to my best friend?”.
The answer is probably not.
Instead, would you tell them how great they looked or how well they handled that meeting?
If you’d give a compliment to your best friend to boost their self-worth, then do the same to yourself and practice what you preach.
How many times a day do you give yourself praise?
6. It’s okay to take some time for me.
When low self-worth takes hold and the feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness well up, we can often forget to look after ourselves.
Too busy trying to be perfect or hiding away from negative thoughts, so self-care goes to the bottom of our list.
Do something you love, see friends that make you happy and focus on your own happiness for just a short while.
You deserve care too.
7. STOP The Inner Critic!
That little voice inside of your head, it’s usually saying negative things.
“You’re lazy”, “You look ugly today”, “You can’t do anything right”.
It’s just one common symptom of low self-esteem, and it’s one that you can change.
Say STOP to your inner critic.
Say it loudly, but gently, in your mind when a negative thought starts to creep in and remember that you don’t have to accept these thoughts, you can change them as you’re in control.
8. Why am I thinking the way I am?
One of the biggest steps in overcoming low self-worth is to understand why you are thinking the way you are.
Where do these negative thoughts come from?
Most importantly, ask yourself “What evidence do I have to support this thought?”.
Is it because of what someone else has said to you, or is it because of one incident that you may have let affect the rest of your thinking?
It may be real or not.
If you can understand your default thinking pattern – your go-to thoughts on a regular basis – you can start to understand how to change them and build a more positive thought pattern.
9. I accept who I am: both the good and the bad.
Acceptance can be difficult if you have low self-worth, but understanding and accepting who you are can truly help to boost your self-worth and build confidence.
Write down the things you are good at and the things you like about yourself.
Perhaps you’re great at helping people, you’re good at playing the drums, or maybe you make a cracking cup of coffee?
All these small things make up the person you are.
Remember to love that person, even if it’s little by little each and every day.
10. I feel good because I’m me.
You don’t always have to eat humble pie.
When things are going well, or you feel good for a day, don’t just put it down to fate, the people around you or the environment you’re in.
Recognise that you’ve done well to get where you are, give yourself credit for your achievements.
No matter how small they are, know that you’ve come a long way and done well.
A clever lesson in self worth: If you were compared to a painting it would be the kind that no money can buy, no price would be high enough to show what you are worth.
We are beyond price tags and limitations, at times life can make us feel that we are worthless, but we must remember that such thoughts are negative energy trying to bring us down, its falsehood.
You are a masterpiece, you are priceless and only you have your fingerprint!
A Clever Lesson In Self Worth
Few talks are able to gently challenge strongly held beliefs about equality and inequality.
In this talk Helen gives a full spectrum talk on equity using, poetry, statistics and strong arguments.
Judge Helen Whitener was a former Washington State Board of Industrial Insurance Appeals Judge and a former pro-tem judge in Pierce County District Court and the City of Tacoma Municipal Court.
She is very active locally, nationally and internationally in various community service activities.
TED Talk: Claiming Your Identity by Understanding Your Self-Worth - Helen Whitener
Self-Worth Comes from Within
#1 – I think of you often and I want you to know that your to-do list, your achievements, do not define you.
Today I hope you will take time to appreciate yourself for at least one thing that is not accomplishment based.
When you have a setback at work, treat yourself as you would a friend: with kindness and understanding.
Summary, when we experience a setback at work, we tend to either become defensive and blame others, or berate ourselves.
#2 - Neither response is helpful, shirking responsibility by getting defensive may alleviate the sting of failure, but it comes at the expense of learning.
When people experience a setback at work—whether it’s a bad sales quarter, being overlooked for a promotion, or an interpersonal conflict with a colleague—it’s common to respond in one of two ways.
Either we become defensive and blame others, or we berate ourselves.
Unfortunately, neither response is especially helpful, shirking responsibility by getting defensive may alleviate the sting of failure, but it comes at the expense of learning.
#3 - Self-flagellation, on the other hand, may feel warranted in the moment, but it can lead to an inaccurately gloomy assessment of one’s potential, which undermines personal development.
What if instead we were to treat ourselves as we would a friend in a similar situation?
More likely than not, we’d be kind, understanding, and encouraging.
Directing that type of response internally, toward ourselves, is known as self-compassion, and it’s been the focus of a good deal of research in recent years.
Psychologists are discovering that self-compassion is a useful tool for enhancing performance in a variety of settings, from healthy aging to athletics.
Myself and other researchers have begun focusing on how self-compassion also enhances professional growth.
How to be a Friend to Yourself:
The person we may find it hardest to be kind and sympathetic to is, surprisingly, ourselves.
Yet being a friend to ourselves provides the only viable basis for living an emotionally fulfilled life.
What do you think is the most important takeaway from research on this topic?
Do you think a lack of self-worth is a problem?
Or perhaps you think an excess of self-worth is the bigger problem today? Let us know in the comments section.
“Polite people have it instilled in them from an early age that they should not talk too much about themselves, a few comments aside, they should – to prove appealing – always ask the other about their lives or stick to impersonal topics found in newspapers, lest they be accused of that heinous charge: self-absorption…”
Talking with yourself in a compassionate way, as your best friend, and considering your requirement as a friendly loving companion in your life, “as you are going to be with yourself consistently, 24/7/365, always and for the rest of your life”, will be very supportive in becoming the best you and understanding your high value self respecting self-worth.
Thank you for reading this article about how to improve "Pt1. Self-Worth – How To Be Your Best You".
In the next part to this 5 part blog, I will be talking about Pt2. Self-value, which is how you portray your self-worth into your out-side world and into the world in general.
I really hope that you enjoyed it and will take action on the advice given in this article.
I wish you good luck on your journey.
I hope its contents have been a good help to you so this year can be your best year at achieving your goals and ambitions.